Trust

On Saturday morning, Brian and I got up and went out for breakfast. My travel guide recommended a spot around the corner that had delicious dosa, a South Indian specialty. About half way through our meal, a guy who had sat down at the table beside us leaned over and asked where we were from. This launched into a lengthy conversation where we covered our thoughts on India so far, what cities we were planning on visiting, his love life, the differences between India and American marriages, what he did for a living, and more topics I can't even remember now. It was really nice to sit down and talk with someone, especially having a conversation with more depth than just "welcome to India."

As we were finishing up breakfast, this guy mentioned that there was a travel agency next door that could help us get to Agra, a reference to the fact we were considering visiting the Taj Mahal. We decided to take his advice and go check it out. He followed us in, helping us initiate the conversation with the agent. After we heard the price and the time it would take to get there, Brian and I decided to opt out of Agra and just spend time exploring the city of Delhi. We told the travel agent that we'd think about it and come back if we wanted to go.

Outside, our new friend mentioned that he wanted to take us by his store (he had told us at breakfast that he sold carpets, scarves, and other fabrics to people in the US), which was a few metro stops away. Eager to get on our way and a little annoyed now, Brian and I politely declined. He asked us where we were going and, as it turned out, he was headed in the same direction. At this point, Brian and I were starting to get the point and asked him to just leave us alone.

In Delhi, it seemed like everyone was trying to take advantage of us. In Hyderabad, you've got auto-rickshaw drivers and merchants trying to jack up prices. But, in Delhi, everyone seemed to be steering us towards some shop so that they could make a commission off us.

On Saturday night, we asked our auto-rickshaw driver to take us to this restaurant "Spirit." He must have stopped in front of about a dozen restaurants on the way, telling us how nice they were and that we should go there instead of the one we had picked. We ended up liking ours just fine.

One auto-rickshaw driver who we asked to take us to India Gate, told us we couldn't go there because there was a big parade and it was closed. We took the auto-rickshaw behind him. Turned out there was no parade.

We asked another drive to take us to the National Museum. Despite his warnings that it was closed because the Prime Minister, Manmohan Singh, was using it for special meetings, Brian and I asked that he take us there anyway so we could see the building. I guess there was some confusion as it was actually a different Singh who was giving a speech about art there.

There were also plenty of people on the street who approached us, trying to steer us towards this shop or that.

Most of these were pretty overt. I can take that. I had a lot of fun with it, giving them various comical (at least to me) responses.

But, some of them were much more subtle. For example, one rickshaw driver picked us up at Gandhi Smriti, a beautiful memorial to Gandhi at the location of his assassination, and took us to the Lotus Temple, a marvelous Bahai temple. On the way, we got into some conversations, much more interesting than those that we usually have with our drivers. He pointed out things around town and provided us background for a bunch of the monuments or areas of town. When we got to the temple, he offered to wait so he could drive us back. Having just forged this relationship, we took him up on it.

When we got out of the temple, we were a little pressed for time as we had to grab dinner before catching our flight back to Hyderabad. Our driver told us that he wanted to take us to a few monuments on the way back, but we politely declined. He took us anyway. In particular, he took us to this crafts shop and insisted we just look around for a minute.

I find forging relationships with people, however small or insignificant, to be a very rewarding experience. But, there's an element of trust that goes along with that process. You have to trust that the feelings that person is conveying are real. When that trust breaks down, it's very easy to detach from others and remain very guarded. The way people, especially the guy from breakfast and the driver who took us to the temple, constantly tried to take advantage of us left me feeling that way. I found it to be a very embittering experience.